The fog of transformation

Change is inevitable, yet sometimes you can feel lost.


On Sunday I went to a performance at Studio J called Devi. It was a beautiful show that moved me and brought tears to my eyes. Devi explored the Sufi belief of death and dying while you are alive—of how throughout your life you experience many ‘deaths’ as you transform your beliefs and identity. Akin to taking off layers and layers of clothing.

It got me thinking of the times in our lives when we experience such a transformation. Perhaps a job , relationship or friendship ends, which suddenly has us questioning who we are now that this person or thing is out of our lives. Perhaps something comes into your life—becoming a parent can often be a big time of transformation. Or it could just be that one day you find that certain things in your life don’t light you up in the same way, which pushes you to discover new things.

Whatever the cause, this time of transformation can feel scary as you face the unknown. For me at certain times it has felt like I was walking through a thick fog, not being able to see too far ahead but trusting that I was moving toward something of value.

The hardest part can be the feeling of loneliness, that no-one around you understands what you are going through. But the truth is that there are probably many people in your life who are going through, or have gone through the same thing as you.

We don’t talk a lot about the actual experience of personal change. You hear stories of ‘this person did X and now they’re doing Y’, but don’t often hear about the bit in the middle—the bit where the hard work, tears, self-reflection took place. The darkness. The cave. The cocoon.

I attend a monthly Women’s Circle, and I adore the experience. It is one time every month that I know I can air out all of my messy thoughts and feelings of being human, and know that I am fully loved and supported. Most times, what is happening for one person is happening for many, and just knowing this is enough to take away the loneliness and help the process of transformation.

Wherever you are in this process of transformation, know that it's a normal way of being, and seek out a safe space for sharing and support.


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